What We Really Want

How do we know what we really want? I don't think I will ever know. The more choices I have, the more unsatisfied I feel with life. The more options I find, the worse I feel about my final choice. Will I ever be satisfied if I always have something else to choose? The truth is, the more choice we have, the less satisfied we are. I remember watching TV when I was younger and not being able to decide between two of my favorite channels on local TV. We only had about 15 channels, and yet, I felt completely satisfied deciding between my two favorite options. Now I find myself flipping through hundreds of channels and never feeling satisfied because I could have watched that, or maybe this would be better. The more I think, the less I enjoy life. I have found that the best thing I can do is just choose and move on. Choose and enjoy. No more what if's or maybe that. Just this. My choice.

Death is Actually Life

Over the past few months I have seen firsthand what it means to be in hospice. To be waiting for death, knowing it is near, and yet, I find myself realizing we are all in hospice. We are all slowly dying. My sister has said that to me many times before, but I never really knew the meaning of it. The truth is, we are all in hospice because we will all experience death. The curious thing is that no one knows exactly when their time is up. I find myself sitting next to a patient that the doctors diagnosed as terminal. They estimated the most she would last would be 3 weeks. It is now 4 months later and she is still with us. The most curious thing about hospice is that the fear of dying can sometimes be overruled by the joy of rest. Is she to be pitied for her suffering and loss of life, or is she to be envied because she will finally leave this world of chaos and enter eternal peace? The truth is, we never know what will happen. That reality is what makes every day beautiful. I can easily die before her in a car accident or with an aggressive cancer. They say she is terminal, but I say she is blessed. She lived her life to the fullest and is now surrounded by her loved ones. What truly matters is how much we enjoy this moment because we are all in hospice.