Finals Week Will Be The Death Of Me

On the week before finals week, I had an interesting conversation with one of my cousins that was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Yesenia is in her first year of college and often asks me questions about it because I am in my third year of college. This particular week we brought up the conversation of finals at a point where I was so frustrated with studying for final exams and researching for final papers that I was ready to burst and burst I did. My poor cousin was the object onto which I poured out my frustration and I said to her, "Finals suck! They slowly eat away at your soul until you have nothing left and are standing outside in the cold while everyone is laughing at you!"

This of course is an exaggeration invented by my oh-so-stressed-out mind. I was not a very happy camper that week and college seemed to be the most difficult thing a human being can experience.

The reason for my frustration is obvious and is shared with thousands of college kids across the country: finals week is full or work. It happens every semester and, every semester, I manage to survive it and come out with good grades as my reward. One simple letter on my transcript is not all I get; I manage to learn a lot and grow along the way.

Two weeks ago I couldn't imagine how I would survive with so much to do and this week I can't imagine how I can survive with nothing to do now that I'm on a break from school. The cycles of life are curious things and they never stop going around.

El Chavo

The first picture you see here is el Chavo. He is a character in a Spanish sitcom that I watched when I was little. As I was leaving Mexico and crossing the border back into the United States, el Chavo reminded me of how very different I am from the other 5 people I was with.

The line for the border took a not-so-exciting 4 hours to cross. As we were waiting in line we saw several people selling random stuff, from mexican candy to pirated movies and puppets. The puppets caught my attention because I saw the cutest hand puppet of el Chavo and I started laughing at it. It brought back memories of me sitting in front of the telivision with my family laughing as Don Ramon got angry and mimicking the chilindrina when she cried. I asked my 5 wonderful friends in the van if they had ever heard of it and they, of course, said no.

The second picture you see is a picture of Kenny, the cutest, funniest, most adorable kid I met in Mexico. Every time I look at Kenny's picture I can't help but smile and it brings back a lot of good memories.

The group I was with all loved Kenny and we love looking at his picture. To me, his picture also represents the friendships we made in Mexico and the good laughs we had.

I guess I put these two pictures up because they sum up my experience in Mexico. I was able to share with the Mexican people I met because I speak Spanish and my Salvadorian culture is somewhat similar to theirs. I was also able to share with my group because I speak English and I was able to help them build relationships with people from a different culture.

Despite the difference of culture, language, and lifestyle, we are all human and all humans love to laugh.

South Africa Mexico Team

witness (English). ufakazi (IsiZulu). testigo (Spanish).

The name of my Mexico Outreach team is the South Africa team. This causes quite a bit of confusion when we are fundraising or promoting our team because a South Africa Mexico Outreach Team sounds very random. To clear things up we tell people that we are a group of Americans that went to South Africa and are now also going to Mexico to serve together.

As a theme verse for our Mexico trip, my team picked Acts 1:8 and we are concentrating on the part that says, "you will be my witnesses...to the ends of the earth".

When I went to South Africa, I felt useless as I tried to help out in the townships because there is so little that we humans can do to bring justice to this unjust world, but when we testify about the great love of our savior, he takes care of the rest.

I'm going to Mexico as the interpreter of my team and I'm feeling incredibly intimidated by that job. I am fluent in Spanish, but I always feel incompetent in communicating with others. There's not much I can do, but I can be a witness and share what God does through me.

A Slice of Pumpkin Pie

We wait 365 days for that specific day to come. We count down in anticipation and wait excitedly until that morning comes.

There's nothing like the holidays and one of my favorites is definitely Thanksgiving. It's funny that such a great tradition started with a simple letter. A random lady sent a letter to the president one day requesting a national holiday for giving thanks. Five presidents and 5 letters later, Abraham Lincoln consented to this lady's request and created a national holiday.

I won't be having turkey this year and I won't be sitting around the table with family and stuffing myself until I can't take no more before eating one last piece of pumpkin pie, but I will still be giving thanks.

One of the biggest things I brought back with me from South Africa is guilt. In the words of Reg Codrington, or actually in a paraphrase of the words of Reg Codrington, guilt is pointless if it does not lead to action. You can be guilty all you want, but if you don't do anything about it then you're just going to keep feeling miserable with no purpose. If you feel guilty and then use that guilt to motivate you into action, you'd be surprised at the results.

I feel guilty every time I stuff myself with a meal I know the kids in Haniville are longing to have. I feel guilty when I pack for a trip and can't fit all my clothes in a duffel bag because I know some people wouldn't even fill one bag with all their belongings. I feel guilty every time I get a paycheck because, even though I'm only middle class in the United States, I know I am in the top percentage of rich people in comparison to the rest of the world.

I'm going to Mexico this thanksgiving to work with a church and interpret for my mission team. I hope that even if it is just a simple 3 days, it will mean something. I hope that no matter how selfish I am in wanting to ease my guilt and in how incompetent I am in fully showing love to people, God will see something good in me. I am thankful for every day, every meal, and every penny. I am thankful that God loves me like he loves the kids in Haniville and I am thankful that he sees past my imperfections and considers me beautiful. That's all I need.

I can hear the birthday bells ringing

"Remember, remember the 5th of November" (V for Vendetta).....or in my case the 6th. My birthday is this weekend and I will finally sail away from the kingdom of teenagers. I would say that I sailed away a long time ago, but I still have my moments of rebellious urges and I keep a coloring book on my desk next to the huge textbooks of theology and history.

I've never been a fan of math and I sometimes think age is just a number, but, sometimes, numbers do make sense to me. Eighteen is a big one because you can finally be an adult and make your own legal decisions, but you're still tied to being a teen and are still limited. I feel like twenty brings a sense of maturity along with it, while also reminding you that you are fresh into adulthood.

Everyone keeps their own pace in life and every drummer has a different beat in mind. Sure we can generalize ages and say that most people act a certain way with a certain age, but there will always be variations.

I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be at twenty and I'm not sure if I'm behind or ahead in maturity; all I know is that I'm turning 20 and life is good. God has blessed me with 20 years of surprises. Every day He shows me something new and freaks me out a little more. I have to leave some things behind when the clock turns twelve on Friday night, but I'm ready for it. Life goes on and the time keeps running even if the clock stops ticking because we've broken it or forgotten to replace the battery.

Identity Crisis

One night, while I was in South Africa,a couple of friends invited me to go out for coffee. We sat at Olympia Cafe in a small town called Kalk Bay right outside of Cape Town. That was the night I met Claire and heard all about her life in the UK, the years she spent in Australia, and how she was called to work in Mpopomeni in South Africa. After finishing her story Claire looked around the table and asked us all to share our stories.

I shared my story with the group and spoke about being Salvadorian-American. I shared things that I had said before at introduction meetings and things like that, so I didn't think much of it until I heard Claire comment, "wow, so you've grown up with an identity crisis and have slowly figured stuff out, that's so cool". Those aren't her exact words, but that's pretty much what she said.

I began thinking about this identity crisis and realized that it is in fact what I have struggled with as I've become more independent and as I've tried to figure out who I am and where I am going in life. I am Salvadorian, but I am also American. Right now I am watching the Giants vs. the Dodgers and I am in LA with people who cheer for the Dodgers, but I'm texting my brother back home who is at the Giants game with friends that I often go to games with.

When I'm in San Francisco, I miss being at APU and soaking up all the Southern California air. When I'm in Azusa, I miss my hometown. When I was in South Africa, I missed the US and, when I came back, I realized there is no place like South Africa. I constantly find myself torn between two worlds, sometimes even more than two. I have friends in so many places and, sure, I can call them or write to them on facebook, but I miss hanging out with them and sometimes I just need a hug from a specific friend.

They say home is where the heart is. I wish I had a heart for every home, instead I'm stuck tearing it up and putting a piece in each place. The result is that I'm always homesick, but I don't regret it because every home has blessed my life with happiness.

A Sort of 3D Memory

It's one thing to remember South Africa and to sing the Zulu songs in my head while drinking an English version of Rooibos tea, but it's so much better to catch up with friends from the South Africa semester, sing songs together, and drink the actual tea while also eating Zulu bread.

I don't know how else to describe it than by quoting Starfield:
"it's been so long since I have met you here,
since I have said these words or cried these tears,
and like a child would come I run into our secret place,
and as the music fades the tears are rolling down my face.
I am alive in this moment, in this moment I am found.
I am alive in this moment, in this moment I belong".

Breathing APU Air Again

I'm back on the APU campus in Azusa. So many memories flood through my mind as I walk past the freshman dorms, the mail boxes, the Cougar Walk, and even Cornerstone Coffeehouse.It was only two years ago that I came here as a new student and explored the place I would soon call home.

Being away for a semester was refreshing. South Africa challenged me beyond what I ever thought I could handle and gave me a new perspective on life. It wasn't an instant text message letting me know what I would believe and who I would be from now on; it was more of a year-long essay that I researched, brainstormed, and finally put together word by word in a delicate process.

This year is quite different because I am now an upperclassman focused on the world outside college instead of the world of college. Two years ago I was just trying to figure out how all this worked and I was concerned about survival, now I feel confident as I walk into my first class and I'm aware that college is only temporary. Soon I will walk away from campus and enter the reality of the adult life. For now, I only get a small glimpse of it as I try my best to prepare for the full picture.

I started this blog so I could write about my adventures in South Africa and so that people back home could read about what I did every day and not bombard me with the same questions over and over, but now that my semester abroad is over I want to continue writing about my "normal" adventures. What I mean by normal is that we often think about an adventure as something extraordinary, as something that marks you as above the ordinary and completely takes your breath away, but, the older I get, the more I realize that every day is an adventure. I never know what is going to happen or how long the day will last.

It's not just another semester. It's my third year of college and life is full of surprises. Here we go.

Definition of Family

I looked up the word family in a dictionary and found a list of biological definitions. After the list of biological definitions I also saw logical answers like "a group of people who share common interests". Where's the definition about love? Nowhere in the dictionary did I find that family is defined by love and, as far as my life's experiences go, family is all about love.

I visited my family in El Salvador for the first time in seven years. Seven years. So much happens in that amount of time, and yet so little seems to change. We were practically strangers, but I couldn't help feeling butterflies in my stomach when I was walking off the plane and smiling so big it hurt because I saw them anxiously waiting for me outside.

As time went on, I found that I was feeling more comfortable with them and conversations were running smoother. One night I looked around my grandmother's house and observed all my relatives interacting. I couldn't help but think that there is something deeper than just a biological connection with family. Sure, if we weren't biologically related we probably would never see each other, but there is something more. My aunts and uncle are the people my mom grew up with and my grandparents are the ones that brought her into this world and nurtured her until she became the woman my father married. What about my cousins? They were all born after my nuclear family had left to the US and we didn't watch them grow up and hear their first words. None of this family was there for my first birthday or for my high school graduation, and yet, I noticed that every aunt had a copy of my senior portrait hanging on their wall.

Some people say family is what you make it and others describe their friends as being "like a brother" or "like a sister". Some people have a family that's not biologically related to them at all and their biological family is composed of mere strangers.

I can't fully describe family, but I can say that there is a strong bond of love that comes along with that word and the moment we stop thinking of love as being the definition of family, is the moment our families fall apart and leave us alone. We weren't meant to be alone, as humans we were meant to love and that is why we have family.

Crazy Ideas

I fear my life is no longer meant to be normal. Not after what has happened this past year. Traveling to El Salvador for two weeks reminded me so much of South Africa. I felt the excitement and the joy of seeing new places and meeting new people, so different and yet so alike. I once again felt torn between my materialistic desires and my broken heart of compassion for those less well-off.

But, at the same time, El Salvador was so much different than South Africa because in El Salvador I can never be a tourist. I'm not an outsider learning about the culture for the first time and the families I stayed with are not just adopted families or strangers that opened their doors to me; they're my blood relatives.

I felt a certain connection to the South African people I met after spending 4 months in their country, eating their food, praising God with them, crying with their struggles, dancing with their joy, and engaging in their culture. In El Salvador the connection was so much more because I felt that they were my people; they are my people.

It's interesting to be Salvadoran-American because I will always be stuck between two worlds and my heart will always be divided between two countries. Now that I'm back in the US, I don't want to just live a normal life like nothing has happened. God has shown me the extent of His mercy and the overabundant blessings that fill my life. I have to do something about it.

Days Go By

It's been two months since I returned to the United States from South Africa. In those two months several things have happened. There have been moments when I forget about South Africa and I fall back into my American routine. I've sat in front of the TV and lusted after items I do not need and can't afford. I've watched the clock and have wished the hands to move faster as it fails to keep up with my fast-paced demands. I have even decided I am full halfway through a meal and thrown away the rest of its contents without thinking twice about the waste I am making.

There have also been moments when I remember South Africa and I can still smell the Rooibos tea and hear the monkeys outside my window. I've caught myself complaining about meaningless things and remembered how truly blessed I am. I walked into the voting polls and voted with honor thinking about the thousands that live in oppression and are far away from democracy. I watched the world cup games and remembered all the beautiful stadiums that cast a shadow on the townships and pull tourists away from the sights they should see and the real Africa that they should experience.

Some nights I dream about the children I met in Haniville and I wake up wanting to hold them in my arms. Some mornings the bay area fog couldn't look any more beautiful and I feel so blessed to call this my home.

Back in the U.S.A.

Cape Town to Johannesburg: 2 hours
Waiting at the Joburg airport: 2 hours
Johannesburg to Senegal: 9 hours
Waiting for refuel inside the plane: 1 1/2 hours
Senegal to Washington D.C.: 8 hours
Going through customs: 1 1/2 hours
Washington D.C. to LAX: 6 hours

Total amount of time to get home: 30 hours


It's so weird to be back. Everything is so familiar that I feel like I was just here yesterday, but at the same time I know I've been gone for so long and I have moments when I realize how much I missed this place. I shrieked with excitement when I saw Starbucks in the airport and I panicked when my dad made a right turn into the wrong lane, at least I thought it was the wrong lane until I realized we drive on the other side of the road.

I miss Africa. Every time I think about it, it almost feels like a really good dream. How an I supposed to go back to a normal life? I sat in the movie theater yesterday and I felt so normal. I walked through my house and glanced through all the shiny technology toys like computers and TVs and I felt like I was at a millionaire's house. It scares me that I can so easily fall back into my routine of life and forget about what happened these past few months. I have to figure out how to bring Africa to the states, but I can't go overboard because I know everyone will get tired of hearing about it and will want to move on.

I'm back in the U.S.A., but my mind and my heart are still in Africa, at least for now. Everything I see reminds me of it and every time I talk I want to stay on that subject.

It's May

On May 1 I slept in for the first time in a really long time and didn't get out of bed until 11am. I walked down the street to the Waffle and Pancake House of Kalk Bay and had a lovely brunch with Kayla, Alyssa, and Lauren. After that Kayla and I took the train to Claremont and walked around the town looking at the shops on the street and inside the mall. After Claremont we had dinner at BI and then went out for desert. It was Hillary's birthday so we went to the Cape To Cuba restaurant. Then I spent a relaxed hour reading Julie and Julia before going to bed.

On May 2 I woke up early and walked to the Olympia take-away cafe down the street with a group of friends. We hopped on the train and rode all the way to Cape Town. After stopping to ask 3 people for directions we finally found our way to the Cape Town International Convention Centre where the Hillsong Church of Cape Town holds its services. I've never been a fan of making celebrities out of people that shouldn't be made celebrities, especially when they are just trying to praise the Lord, and I was therefore hesitant about attending a church that is so well known and has such a celebrity name among the Christian, and even sometimes the non-christian, community. To my great surprise, the service was absolutely wonderful and I didn't feel like I was at a show at all; it actually felt like a community of people that just wanted to praise God together and grow together in fellowship.

The church was big and there were 3 services throughout the day, but the speaker was actually present and not just giving a sermon through video. It was actually a good size because, although it's bigger than an average church, it was still small enough to feel like a community and when we raised our hands to answer the speaker's question about any international visitors being there he asked us where we were from and we responded, "the United States". We were close enough to the front that he heard us and everyone in the church welcomed us. Because I've heard of Hillsong as a church that has good worship and I have a seemingly unending list of songs from them on my Ipod, I expected to have a lot of song time, but we actually had a lot of listening time too. The songs went well with the message and the speaker gave a four-point sermon that was exactly what I needed to hear on my last Sunday here in South Africa.

The Hillsong church was humble in so many ways and I truly felt that God used it to speak to me today. It's amazing how God has spoken to me through such a diverse group of churches these past few months. The message I got today was encouraging in many ways.

The speaker spoke about miracles and he declared that May would be a month of miracles. He used the passage about Peter getting out of prison as an example and it was made clear to me in a new way.

We have to confess miracles, believe in them, expect them, and then use them for God's glory. It's important to confess that God is able to move mountains and to fully believe in everything we pray about without doubting God's amazing power. It's also important to expect that God will do great things because we know that He keeps His promises and when He does keep those promises it's important to share with others about the great things that God has done.

My trip to South Africa has truly been a miracle because it seemed impossible for me to survive such a trip or afford it. I was so sick last semester with a stomach condition and with a panic disorder and, sure, I got medicine, visited doctors, and sat through therapy, but I was still in no condition whatsoever to leave the country for 4 months with complete strangers. Looking back I can't even believe I got on that plane and agreed to come here, but I'm so glad I did. I had pretty much no control over what I ate here because I never had the chance to cook for myself and was placed in situations where I had to eat foreign food without asking questions and finish everything on my plate so I wouldn't be rude, but I didn't get as sick as I thought. I can't say I didn't get sick at all because I did have some stomach sickness, but it's not the stomach sickness that results from my stomach condition. I also thought I would panic and that the social anxiety I was diagnosed with would limit my interactions with other, but to this day I have not had a panic attack. I had beginning symptoms of one a couple times, but I was able to predict it and calm myself down. I've also been able to form relationships with all the strangers I got on a plane with and they have now become close to family because we are all good friends.

I have to admit that I didn't expect the miracle to happen and God blew me away with all that He's done. I know a lot of it is the result of all the lovely people that have been constantly praying for me. I'm going back home now and I can't stay quiet about my trip because I have to let people know that God made a miracle in my life and he led me through the most amazing trip I have ever taken. These past 4 months of my life are months I will never forget and I'm truly looking forward to all the life skills I've learned and the ideas God has given me about how I can serve Him from here on out. May is a month of miracles, beginning with the miracle that I will finish a trip I would have never imagined I could finish. The best part is that greater things are yet come.

Out of my Journal

January 22, 2010
For every question I cannot answer, You are there to make it known. When there's steps that I can't climb, You are there to push me up. You are always there, everywhere. You always know what's unknown. With You, there is no fear of today.

January 23, 2010
What does it mean to be human? How can you smile in a different language? Love is a universal language and intellect has no political bounds. We are what we are and that is a truth we can't deny. Our color, our words, are only a gesture of our artistic beings. For we are all one with an underlying need. We all as humans need Him, and to experience Him we experience each other. How can I deny that you are human? We are humanly in need of His love to save us from ourselves.

January 25, 2010
Can you hear me breathing? Can you see my star-struck eyes? My heart so excitingly beating, my mind so humbled in awe. In this very moment, at this place in time, I am alive. I am truly alive. I can see your wonders, smell your beauty, hear your love, and as I sense myself moving closer to you, I know that I'm alive.

February 2, 2009
Love, where is your logic? Does it bother you to confuse us so? Do you long to make sense, or does the joy of confusion make you smile? As you dance through our hearts and leap through our veins, do you ever tire? The world keeps turning and love keeps pouring out its indescribable love. There is no remedy like love.

February 14, 2010
Sometimes life gives us answers, other times it leaves us floating with questions. Sometimes joy surpasses our understandings, other times sorrow rips through our being, but through every moment and situation, love is there to lead us through.

March 2, 2010
Who am I that you love me and think of me? How much do you love me that you were willing to suffer death for me? The pain and despair that came with being powerful enough to willingly accept carrying all sins on your back; I will never have to endure it. Oh how wonderful you are.

March 4, 2010
What is life without love? A river without water or an ocean without salt. What is adventure without fear or a risk without a chance of suffering? To live not just to breathe, to learn not just to pass the test; the journey is greater than the destination.

March 9, 2010
My God is the God of the universe. He leads me through every season of life and he always knows what's going on. He knows I suffer, He knows I'm joyful. Every second he plans out for my life is necessary. My God created the universe and He loves is so.

March 15, 2010
The pain hurts, but the healing fills me with joy and every dark night is followed by morning.


April 10, 2010
God knows my every thought when I complain and He knows my every fear when I hesitate to follow Him. All those thoughts and fears need to be washed away because the Lord knows what He's doing. God disciplines those he loves and if he is throwing me into a pit of thorns, it's because he wants me to run with wolves. We're in His hands and that's enough.

April 28, 2010
Gaze out beyond yourself and see that you are more than alive. Speak above the noise that holds you back and find the truth of peace. Feel the wind slide across your face and know that I am real. Beat the drum of life once more until you find the rhythm of love.

A Week in Cape Town

Monday: class in the morning, lunch at one of the only Mexican restaurants in Africa, afternoon souvenir shopping at the Green Market Square in downtown Cape Town, train ride back to BI

Tuesday: tour of the peninsula, Cape Point (the southernmost tip of the African continent), visit to Boulder's Beach (the home of a colony of 3,000 penguins!), almost got finger bit off by a penguin protecting its mate's eggs, evening visit to the Kalk Bay theater to watch Theater Sports (a show similar to Who's Line is it Anyways)

Wednesday: class in the morning, lunch at a pizzeria in Fish Hoek, a night spent watching Friends episodes with my roommate while eating chocolate cake

Thursday: chapel at BI, lunch in the cute little town of Stellenbosch, visit to Spier Cheetah Conservation, pet a cheetah for 5 minutes and learned about the organization's work to save the species, talkative evening with friends at Olympia Cafe

Friday: class in the morning, afternoon TBA

This morning I had breakfast with Jamie and talked about the 6 days that we have left in this country. We couldn't think of anything else we would like to do because we have pretty much covered everything we wanted to do while in South Africa. If we thought hard enough I'm sure we could come up with more things to do, but I think our point is that we are satisfied with this trip. Looking back I know it has been easy and it has been hard, it has been mind-blowing and it has been refreshing, but overall it's been a great trip.

Saying Goodbye to the Marshalls

Sunday was my last afternoon with the Marshall family in Ocean View. Alice got teary-eyed as she hugged me goodbye because she said she felt like Kayla and I had become part of her family in the 9 days that we stayed in their home.

Staying at that home was highly uncomfortable because I was with complete strangers that spoke a different language and live in a culture different from my own, but I learned so much through it all and I made some friends that I will never forget.

I'm now staying at the Bible Institute dorms in Kalk Bay and when I sit in the dining room I can look out the window and see the beach stretching out for miles. We're in an area that's very different from Ocean View. There are shops and cafes down the road and we can take the train into the city.

When I think about how much Cape Town reminds me of San Francisco, it makes me miss home and it makes me excited about going back, but, when I think about leaving next week and I look back at all that has happened on this trip, I feel so sad that it's almost over.

Robben Island

The visit to Robben Island was like coming up for a breath of fresh air after days of slowly sinking deeper into a sea of frustration. Not to say that my last few days here haven't been a blessing, but sometimes you have to suffer a lot to dig through the mines before you can find a diamond and, even if you gain a precious stone, you're still left with scars and wounds.

Robben Island is a lot like Alcatraz in that it was an island used only as a prison. It's the place where Nelson Mandela spent 19 years in the same prison cell and was often dragged out into the hot sun to work in tedious tasks used as torture. Several other political prisoners were sent to that island during the apartheid years because they were gathering support against apartheid laws and were encouraging black consciousness.

On the bus ride around the island I saw Penguin Crossing signs and, sure enough, there was a penguin crossing the road in front of the bus. We stood on the edge of the island and gazed across the 17 kilometers of water that separated us from Cape Town. Afterward, we walked through the cells and read several stories about men that were sentenced to prison in such unjust ways. All they wanted was freedom and peace in a world where they could be treated as humans and nothing less.

The ferry ride back to Cape Town was when I felt air rushing into my lungs again. It lasted about 30 minutes and I enjoyed every second. I stood there on the deck holding on to the edge so that I wouldn't lose my balance as the waves rocked our boat from side to side. I felt the salt water midst spraying into my face and when I smiled I could feel the wind pushing back my cheeks even further. As we moved away from Robben Island and watched it get smaller and smaller, I could see the buildings of Cape Town getting bigger and bigger, but all around me I could see water.

Something about it was so peaceful that I want to capture those 30 minutes in my head and remember them when I have to toil through 30 minutes of hard work or when I have to endure 30 minutes of things I wish could be different. Something about it made me feel like God is still holding on to me, God is still holding on to Africa, whether it's the townships or the cities, God is still holding on to us.

On a day like today...

...a stranger's home has become my residence

...I said goodbye to my South African mom as I walked out the door and towards to the taxi that would drive me to school

...I decided to dress nice just because

...Class was actually interesting as we learned about the apartheid years and their effect on the community we're living in

...an ice cream cone has never tasted better

....Olympia Cafe and Deli offered an interesting environment for dinner with a loud crowd, a delicious meal, and a dark, but warm room with windows for walls facing the beautiful bay

...I washed my hands with soap for the first time in two days

...frustration lingered as I battled through the tiredness that comes from not sleeping well

...a simple poem at a quiet bookstore made me feel connected to someone completely different than myself

...God felt as distant as the place I call home that's thousands of miles away

...God felt as close as the wind blowing the scarf off my neck

On a day like today, the mystery of life reaches far beyond my understanding and all I can do is be.

First Week in Cape Town

Cape Town is a wonderful city.

Homestays are interesting. I would talk more about it, but I think I have to wait until the week is over before I can process all of it.

As the time to go home gets nearer, I'm finding that I'm more and more homesick.

If I had to describe my current emotion on this trip I would say that I'm tired. South Africa is still wonderful, but it gets harder to face the difficult parts of my trip when I'm too tired to enjoy the good things and I'm running low on energy.

Road to Cape Town

After many hours of riding in a bus and several nights of staying at beautiful hotels by the beach, we have arrived in Cape Town. Yesterday we spent the day at Carmel and visited an Ostrich Farm and the Congo Caves.
The Ostrich farm was interesting because everyone thought they were the most disgusting-looking creatures, but I thought they were beautiful. We had a chance to feed them, but we had to be careful because they could bite our fingers off if we made any sudden movements or if we held our hand out in the wrong position. Some girls screamed as they fed them and some guys dropped more than half of the corn kernels. I hesitated at first, but then I gathered the courage to hold out my hand and I ended up enjoying it. My friend Jessica screamed too much to be able to feed them, so I finished feeding them her bag of kernels. I did get pecked once by an ostrich and I had a red spot on my hand from where it pinched my skin, but it was still fun.
In the tour through the farm we saw the incubators, the ostrich eggs, the beautiful feathers, and the actual ostriches. We got the chance to stand on ostrich eggs. It sounds cruel, but ostrich eggs can actually hold up to 170lbs on top of them without breaking. I stood on four eggs and it was like standing on rocks. We did have to be careful because there was an ostrich nearby and the guide told us that if it chased us, the best thing we could do was to act dead.
After holding the eggs we went to a place where 7 people got to ride an ostrich. Only 7 could ride so we put our names in a cup and had a lottery. My name wasn’t picked, but I did get a chance to sit on an ostrich. It was the weirdest feeling in the world because the wings were on top of me and I sat towards the back of the hump. I also stroked the ostrich’s neck. The people who rode it struggled a bit because there was no saddle and they had to hold on to the wings.
One thing is certain: ostriches are scary. They attack when you least expect it and they have one strong toe that could kill you if it penetrated through your skin. We had to hide all shiny objects and be careful with our cameras because they pecked at anything shiny. The good thing is that, as long as you follow all the rules and don’t do anything stupid, the ostriches will be nice. I still can’t figure out how they balance so well on such skinny legs and I’ve decided to never eat an ostrich burger again (I’ve had 3 this semester).
The Congo Caves were incredible! When I first heard cave I thought about a small hole in a mountain, but these caves should be called the city underneath a mountain. It really is a full-on cave. In some parts we came into rooms that were 30 feet high and 20 feet wide and in other parts we had to slide on our stomach to get to the other side. We were inside the mountain for a total of 2 hours and we traveled about 2 miles into the mountain. Some of those caves are thousands of years old and they made me feel like an explorer or like the lady in the movie The Mummy when she is searching for ancient artifacts.
Cape Town looks wonderful so far. We arrived this afternoon, dropped off our bags in our hotel room, and headed out to explore. It’s so windy I had to wear a sweater and I was so happy to see people and cars everywhere. I hadn’t realized how much I miss being in an actual city. It almost didn’t feel like Africa until I looked up at Table Mountain. Table Mountain sticks out higher than any building and it’s a beautiful sight. We met a guy who told us some spots we have to make sure to visit before leaving Cape Town and we walked by a Chocolate House. Any girl walking past a building called a Chocolate House has to walk in because the temptation is too great.
Eunice is a kind elderly lady that works in the Chocolate House. She opened all the drawers around the room that contained hundreds of chocolates. There were probably about 70 different kinds of chocolates and they all looked delicious. We picked out a couple and tasted them all. It was delicious, except for the chili one, I didn’t like that one so much.
We had dinner at a cool Indian place and walked through more of the city. I’ve anxiously awaited Cape Town for so long and I’m finally here. I hope all goes well these last couple of weeks and the illness is just a nightmare we remember every once in a while and then brush it off and change the subject. It’s good to feel healthy again, especially in a city with so many ethnic foods to choose from.

East London

I know I said I wouldn’t have internet for a while, but the hotel we’re staying at tonight gave us free internet and I decided I should leave the blog on a happier note. Free internet is not the only thing this hotel has; it has delicious food, fancy rooms, showers with no bugs in them, a beautiful view of the ocean that’s literally right outside my window and a comfortable queen size bed for each one of us. After spending a week in the wilderness and in such a mess, it feels so good to have clean rooms and sanitary restrooms.
I can’t say the illness is over because everyone is still feeling slightly off and we couldn’t fully enjoy dinner, but I think the worst is over and the sky is going to be a little brighter from here on out. Last night was terrible. One of the girls in my chalet slept in front of the toilet because she was so sick, nurses were in and out of our chalet checking up on people, and I had a high fever on top of my stomach sickness. My roommate Kayla was the sweetest thing in the world and nursed me through the night. I’m on a strong medication for the stomach illness and it’s giving me really bad side effects, but it’s kept me from getting sick enough to go to the hospital so I think it’s worth it. I felt nauseous and dizzy throughout the night as I was in and out of sleep. My fever struck hard around 1 in the morning and I woke up because my whole body was shivering and I was sweating. I hadn’t eaten an actual meal for two days so my body was having trouble fighting off my sickness and I was dehydrated. Kayla brought me water and salty crackers, which the nurses said would help, and she also gave me medicine to bring down my fever.
There was a point where I just wanted to cry because I wasn’t comfortable in any position. If I laid down my stomach hurt and if I stood up I got too lightheaded to stand. Sitting down was a good compromise, but I got to a point where I was too sick to move. The medicine and crackers helped and Kayla forced me to drink the full water bottle before playing an episode of Friends to help me fall asleep. I felt better after eating and I lay down and watched a couple of minutes of the TV show. It didn’t take long for fall asleep.
This morning I woke up in a daze and climbed onto the bus. We’re traveling down the coast of South Africa and our first stop today was East London. It should have taken 9 hours, but our bus broke down and we had to wait for the other bus to drop off people and then come back to us. After a while we found out that bus had a flat tire and we had to wait about 2 hours for it to come back for us. We walked across a dangerous highway to use a very unsanitary bathroom and then sat in the bus watching Troy on someone’s laptop.
I wonder what people think when they see our group because everyone looked half asleep today and so many people looked pale. No one really bothers about looking good because we’re so exhausted. Arriving at the hotel was like taking a breath of fresh air and it made me feel human again. My stomach is still upset because I have to keep taking the medication for 4 days even if I don’t have any symptoms anymore because it’s like an antibiotic and if I stop taking the medication I can get sick again. The bus ride hasn’t felt too good, but everyone has a positive attitude and we’re getting through it. I know I’ll sleep well tonight.
We are well taken care of because we have God guiding us through this week and, like I said before, the sky is clearing up and I think the worst is over. I’m excited to see Cape Town because I’ve heard so many wonderful things about it. Tomorrow our drive will only last 4 hours and we’re going to spend the night at Port Elizabeth, which is the hometown of one of our Community Life Coordinators. After that we only drive a couple of hours each day and do fun stuff like visiting an ostrich farm and climbing through caves.
My fever is gone and I just have a slight cough, but it goes away when I put my scarf on. I’ve been wearing my scarf all day, so I’ve been fine. My stomach ache will probably last until I finish the medication, but I’m having no trouble at all sleeping on the bus so I’m getting plenty of rest. Everyone else in the group is looking better too and the leaders have stocked up on medication like motion sickness medicine and re-hydration formula. The sun never fails to come out after a storm.

Dropping Like Flies

In a couple of months I'm sure we'll be joking about the current situation on campus, but at the moment there's panic breaking out and everything is just so chaotic we don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to do anymore and I've gotten to the point where I just want to fly home and leave Africa behind. I know that's only because, at this moment, I'm feeling very fearful, but we're facing the fact that there's only so much people can handle as foreigners in a third world country.

The Zulu experience this past week was truly a Zulu experience because we faced a lack of hygiene that's common in many villages throughout Africa. Sometime this week, some of our students picked up a bacteria that caused stomach illness. We still don't know exactly what it is, but our best guess is that it's a contagious bacteria that our bodies are rejecting. So many people have been rushed to the hospital that I lost count and there are only about 7 people in our group of 53 that haven't gotten sick. Even some of our leaders have gotten sick and the nursing students had to step up and try to help us.

The first group of people rushed to the hospital took 3 hours to get there and the doctors said they would have died if they hadn't made it on time. I got a cold this week and have been battling a fever. This morning I was also hit with the stomach sickness and I've been laying in bed all day. It's not as bad as other people because I've managed to stay hydrated and keep it under control. Before heading out of the states, the doctor at the University Health Care Center gave us all a prescription for this sort of illness and I've been taking mine. It's like antibiotics so I have to keep taking it even though I don't have symptoms anymore so that it doesn't come back.

We are at AE tonight, but we're leaving for a week long road trip to Cape Town tomorrow. We have no idea how the bus ride is going to go because people have been getting sick at random times and it comes out of nowhere. The nurses think it depends on how your immune system reacts to it and is able to fight it off. I haven't eaten a full meal since yesterday so that my stomach doesn't have anything to throw out.

I could type out some stories to give you a picture of this horror film we're living in, but I don't think anyone would want to read them and I would get sick just by retelling them. Some people have overcome the illness already and are fine, others are going through it at different levels (kind of sick, sick, and rushing to the hospital because they are really sick), and the last small group of people that haven't get sick are waiting to see if they'll survive.

We're all helping each other and encouraging one another, which is truly a blessing, and we're praying for God to come to our rescue. This morning as I realized I was getting sick, I read Jeremiah 12. In this passage Jeremiah is complaining to God and God responds by saying, "if you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?". I know that God is with us through this illness and he knows what He's doing. If we are being given this test, it's because He's preparing us to be His light in the world.

I'm hoping that tomorrow we can drive away from Pietermaritzburg and leave this all behind. I'm also hoping we can have a good time in these last couple of weeks we have left and that we can hang in there. God has done some amazing things this semester and for that I'm truly thankful.

P.S. If I don't type for a while after this blog, it's not because I've died of stomach illness lol, it's just because tonight is one of our last nights with internet. We're going to be in different hotels this week and then we're going to arrive in Cape Town. I'll have internet in Cape Town so hopefully I can update this blog by next Sunday and let you all know that we overcame the illness and that we're having a great time on the west coast of South African

Safari + Zulu Experience

This week was incredible on so many levels. It all started with a safari that was amazing because it was like a zoo and a Disneyland ride put together. I hadn't realized that on safari we wouldn't just see cool animals like elephants and cheetahs; we would see them in their natural habitat and we would be out in the wild with them!

On our first drive through a game reserve, we were in a van and saw the animals through open windows. We saw some elephants and giraffes and we got pretty close to them. We also saw zebra and different kind of buck/deer like antelope, nyala, and impala.

On our second drive we got into cars that could go off-road and they didn't have windows, just a roof and a small door so that the car had a big open space for us to stick our heads out and see the animals clearly. We drove to the camp were we slept for 2 nights. The camp was in the middle of the wilderness and it was unfenced so animals could walk through as they pleased. We learned basic safety tips and we put our stuff into our chalets. The chalets were made out of wood logs and straw and the walls were a material that is see-through so that if any animals came we could see them from inside.

We woke up early every morning so that we could catch some of the animals that only come out at that time. We returned to camp for meals, but we headed out after each meal and basically drove around each day. We saw so many bucks that Kailee and I decided they would only be cool if they were being eaten because there were just so many of them that they weren't exciting anymore. We also saw some warthogs and wildabeasts, which are the animals that stampede in the the movie The Lion King and kill Mufasa. By the way, I found out that The Lion King is pretty accurate because Wildabeasts often trample lions. After observing them, we realized why; they get scared so easily and they just run away in groups without any real direction. It's like they freak out and just run, but don't know what to do so it's kind of entertaining to watch. We also saw several giraffes that made me feel so small and we saw several zebra. In the evening we sat at the edge of the water and watched the hippos popping their heads out of the water. We also saw baboos in the trees and we searched for a leopard, but we didn't find any.

My favorite sighting was the elephant we saw. One thing I hadn't realized going into the safari was that we had to actually search for animals because it's not just like a zoo where each animal has a designated location; the animals are all running freely. We searched for an elephant all day and got excited when we saw broken trees and fresh poop. We knew we were on the trail of an elephant and we were looking in all directions when all of a sudden we saw it standing there 3 feet away from the road. Usually Andrew, our safari guide and driver, would turn off the car when we saw animals so that they wouldn't be scared away by the noise of the engine, but with the elephant he kept the car on and he looked like he was ready to drive away at any moment. The elephant was pretty big and had huge tusks. He looked at us for a while and then gave a warning call with his trunk. After staring at him for a couple of minutes and taking a lot of pictures, Andrew started trying to find a way to get around the elephant and he moved the car forward slightly. When the elephant saw this he turned and walked away a little, but as soon as we started driving past him he turned around and then started charging toward us. It was so incredible because I was filming a video and I saw this huge elephant just start running towards us and when we drove off he lifted his trunk and made a loud elephant noise.(You can probably see the video on my Facebook page) We were so excited and scared that he was going to charge his tusks into our truck and kill us all. We spent the rest of that hour just talking about it, replaying videos, and retelling the story of how cool it was to get charged by an elephant.

My second favorite sighting was the cheetahs we saw. We went to a private reserve to see lions because the place where we camped didn't have the risk of lions walking into camp. We searched for lions all day and found tracks, but it had been raining all night so the lions were in a place where even the huge land cruiser we rode in would get stuck in mud so we didn't see lions. I wasn't bummed out about it because we still saw some pretty cool things. When we spotted 3 cheetahs, it felt like we drove into a discovery channel show. We were told not to stand up because the animals are used to the shape of our vehicle and can't distinguish individual people in it so they think the big truck is just a herd of animals and it's an animal that doesn't interest them so they don't do anything as we drive past them. If one of us stood up we would be something that the animal doesn't recognize so the weak animals would run away, but the dangerous animals would attack. We drove up to where the cheetahs were and the whole time I was thinking, "this can't be real". I got nervous as our driver got closer and closer until we were standing about 10 feet away from the cheetahs.

As if seeing cheetahs wasn't enough, we happened to see them while they were hunting. Our driver informed us that cheetahs don't hunt unless they are hungry. These cheetahs looked like they weren't starving, but they were observing the pack of impala across the field that was grazing. We waited to see if they would attack and prepared ourselves for something great. As we sat there we radioed another car so that the other people in our group could see the cheetahs and they appeared on the other side of the cheetahs. As they came closer they scared away an impala that had been hiding the whole time behind us and in a matter of seconds we saw the impala sprint past us and right past the cheetahs and run across the field towards his fellow impala. At this, one of the cheetahs took off after it and started to sprint towards it, but he gave up and stopped. It was obvious that the cheetah could have caught it if he wanted to, but he didn't. We were slightly disappointed and, if the cheetah had caught the impala, he would have been my favorite sighting, but it was still cool and it made me realize how incredible it was to be on a safari.

Our group of 53 students split in half this week so that half of us were on safari and the other half were on a Zulu experience trip. On Wednesday we switched and went to the place where the other group had been. We heard that 6 people had drank bad water and were rushed to the hospital with chronic diarrhea, but when we saw the other group we realized that it was much worse. We saw them climb out of the bus and we realized it was more than 6 people. We didn't get much information then, but it was enough to make us nervous about going to the Zulu place.

We made sure to bring our own bottled water and, when we got to the Zulu village, we noticed they had taken extra precautions to make sure we didn't get as sick as the previous group. We stayed in Zulu huts made out of mud and we ate traditional Zulu food. The night we got there, we were welcomed with a pot of Zulu beer from which each person had to take a drink because it's tradition to have visitors drink. We were welcomed into their home as visitors, so we were pretty much forced to drink it. All of us were nervous because it was homemade beer and it didn't taste too good, but we forced it down with a smile on our face to be polite. After dinner we saw some Zulu dances and sang songs with them. All the people in the village were excited to see us speaking Zulu words and singing Zulu songs because they said it made them feel special that Americans would come to visit and would be interested in their culture.

The next day we hiked to a forest where we met a medicine man and saw some of the herbs he uses to heal people. He wasn't like a Sangoma that provides spiritual healing; he was more of an intellectual person that knew what plants could cure stomach aches and things like that. We also learned how to throw a Zulu spear and we had some fights with Zulu sticks and shields. We weren't very good at it, but some of us actually hit the targets. I don't have good aim at all, but I managed to almost hit a target with the spear.

Good hygiene has been so hard to keep this whole week. The Zulu village didn't have running water or electricity. We had to use toilets that don't flush and showers that are basically just buckets full of water. After hearing about so many people on the previous group getting sick, we were really nervous and cautious about what we ate and drank. The food was actually pretty good and it was truly a cultural experience to spend 2 and a half days there. We met a lot of the local people and bought beaded jewelery from local women. We also played with some of the children and learned some Zulu traditions.

I slowly got sicker and sicker this week. It started out with a sore throat on the safari and then I lost my voice. I started coughing when we got to the Zulu village and this morning I woke up with an aching body. As I climbed out of my mud hut I realized how dizzy I was and how much my face was burning up. The ride back home was miserable for me, but I had a feeling the other group had gone through way worse and, when I got home and talked to some of them, I confirmed that their experience had been horrible.

The other group hiked for 4 hours to the forest in really hot weather. Our hike was only a third of theirs. One girl passed out because of heat stroke and a lot of them were dehydrating because they didn't have enough water. The water they were provided with wasn't the best water and they didn't have tubs to wash their hands before meals. When they got back from the hike it started to rain. We got a thunderstorm at the safari place too, but we had trees to cover most of the heavy rain and our chalets had good roofs. All the mud huts in the village were leaking and the group had to walk around barefoot because it was so muddy and slippery. Some people started getting sick after dinner and soon more and more people were sick. There were only two bathrooms, so after a while people just started emptying out their stomachs anywhere on the grass around the huts. Three trips were made to the hospital and, on one of them, the bus almost crashed because of the storm and the crash would have been big enough to kill some of those people. I can't tell the story for them because I don't know the details, but out of 22 people only 7 didn't get sick.

We still don't know what caused the illness, but we think it was the bad water. One of the girls that didn't get sick was the only one who didn't drink the water. Some people were okay, but then got sick later. It couldn't have been a bug because my group would have probably caught it too. Whatever it was, I'm glad it's mostly over and a lot of the people are feeling better and are even laughing at the situation.

I haven't really showered in a week because the two showers I've taken in 5 days didn't feel like enough and because I've been covered in dirt for so long. I've also been sweating like crazy and I've been sleeping in mud huts that don't smell very nice. It felt so good to come home to Pietermaritzburg and take a good shower, put on clean clothes, and eat from a nice kitchen in a nice dining room. I just want to sleep and rest because, as exciting and incredible as these 5 days have been, they have also been stressful, tiring, and tough to get through. I can sleep peacefully knowing that i can get up in the middle of the night without having to worry about walking 20 feet to a bathroom and finding a rhino in the middle of the road and I can rest knowing that I have stood 10 feet away from a cheetah while it hunted and I lived among wild animals for a couple days and have survived the Zulu experience. God is good.

Go Sharks!

I went to a Rugby game this evening. I think it might actually be called a Rugby match, but I don't really know just like I didn't really know anything that was going on throughout the whole game. It was quite entertaining nonetheless.

Let me just say that rugby is a brutal sport! It's so intense and it looks so hurtful, but the fans love it and the players are hard core. When I go to Giants games back home there's a good amount of people wearing black and orange, but at the stadium tonight literally everyone was wearing black and white or had a sharks logo on them.

One of my favorite parts about watching games in stadiums is getting to know the people around you. The three people sitting in front of us were Americans working with the peace core in Lesotho, which is a country about two hours away from Durban. It was entertaining to talk to them because they don't have electricity where they are staying and they haven't seen Americans since November. One of the guys said he was really happy to see Americans and he asked what was going on in the world.

The stadium we went to in Durban is right next to the new world cup stadium. I stood right outside the soccer stadium and wished I could stay there until the World Cup. There's an arc going across the top of the stadium and there's a swing attached to it that's supposedly the world's highest swing.

Tomorrow is my last day at God's Family Life Center. I love that church so much and I'm sad to say goodbye to them. I hope I can come back and visit some day.

After church I'm coming back home and I have to pack for this week. The schedule involves going to a safari from Monday to Wednesday and then going to a Zulu Experience trip for the rest of the week. In the safari we're going to drive early in the morning to see animals like zebras, giraffes, and lions and then we're going to camp in the game reserve for two nights. The camp site isn't fenced off so we have to learn a bunch of rules to prepare us in case any animals come close to camp. Reg says that previous semesters have had hyenas running around outside the camp and once an elephant walked right through the camp. There are no lions around the camp because they're in a private reserve that we're going to drive to during the day so we don't have to worry about being attacked in the middle of the night. The Zulu experience is going to be a trip to a Zulu tribe where they still live in huts and they have a tribe chief. We're going to eat traditional Zulu food and experience some of their tribal customs.

After we get back from these two trips we're going to have one last day in Pietermaritzburg. After that day we're going to head off towards Cape Town. There's a lot of traveling in these next two weeks and I probably won't have internet as often as I do now, but I'm excited to experience some more of South Africa. I have to enjoy every bit of it because i know 4 weeks will go by fast and, before I know it, I'll be back in the states again.

Mandhla's House Part 4

This blog can also be titled: Every Mother's Worst Nightmare

Every mom hates when her kids come back home with muddy clothes and brown shoes because boy is it hard to wash mud off clothes. You know those kids that go out the door wearing nice, clean clothes and come back an hour later with mud on their face, their shoes, their pants, their shirts, even inside their ears? Well, that was us today.

It was pouring rain all night and all morning. During our morning devotion, Bruce told us the rain should clear up, but we would continue working even if it didn't. Sure enough the rain stopped an hour into our work, but the sky remained cloudy throughout the day. At first, I thought the rain was annoying, but later I realized what a blessing it was that God gave us rain. Today was the designated day for mud because we had to cover all the walls with layers of mud. The rain had given us a head start because the ground was already moist and the clouds that persisted to cover the sun all day ensured that the mud we made didn't dry out too fast.

Making mud and throwing it on walls sounds like an easy concept, but it actually takes a lot of time. We had a pile of dirt that was set apart specifically for the mud and we dug small holes in it today. After digging a hole, we poured water in and mixed the dirt with water like brownie mix in a bowl. The mud had to be just right before we could pour it on the walls because that would ensure that the mud will last there. After mixing dirt with a shovel several people took off their shoes and jumped in. Phendille showed us how to mix it and some of the guys from Haniville helped us roll mud balls so we could carry those to the house.

I helped out with carrying mud balls to the house and then taking small chunks and throwing it onto the wall. At first, I just placed the mud on the wall and tried to even it out, but Neels showed me how to do it right. He said we had to make sure all the cracks inbetween the rocks were filled in with mud and we had to put another layer once the first layer was dry, so it didn't matter if this first layer wasn't even. The best way to make sure mud got into every crack was to literally throw it as hard as you could onto the wall.

It was a great sight. There were about six people standing on piles of mud stepping on it until the mixture was right, five people were on their knees in front of the pile of dirt rolling mud into big chunks, and about seven people, including myself, were carrying mud chunks to the walls and throwing mud balls as hard as we could onto the walls. Of course mud splattered everywhere and our hands and feet were covered in it.

What a fun day. Any mother would have disapproved of our dirtiness, but we loved every moment of it. Some people even started mud fights, but we had to stop because we were wasting resources.

It was a nice way to finish our work in Haniville, but it was not so nice to say goodbye. On the bus ride home today I wondered if I will ever see Haniville again. I wonder how long my memories of that place will last and how much it will change my life because right now it's too soon to tell. I made such good friends there in just a short amount of weeks and I've learned so much. Haniville will always have a place in my heart.

Mandhla's House Part 3

His love endures forever.
His love endures forever.
His love endures forever.

We said that phrase 26 times this morning as I read Psalm 136 out loud. Every morning at Walk in the Light we start out with a devotion and songs and someone from the group shares a small message. I read the psalm out loud and asked everyone to repeat the phrase, "his love endures forever" that's at the end of every verse. Afterward, I spoke about the goodness of God's everlasting love and about the fact that our work in Haniville is part of a bigger picture.

It's our last week here. We can look back and see how God's love has endured in our lives and in our time here, we can look out today and see God's love throughout the township, and we can look ahead and have faith that God's love will remain in Haniville because greater things are yet to come in Haniville.

I know we had at least some impact on the community and they had a huge impact on us; that's something we can take back to the states with us.

After our devotion we set out to work. Today the task involved: finishing the wiring around the house, digging a place for the veranda outside Mandhla's door because he's always wanted one and we decided to make one for him, and filling in the walls with rocks. To make sure that the rocks didn't stretch out the wire, we nailed thin tree poles to the walls. The house is starting to look more like a house, but we're nervous about finishing it on time. It would be wonderful to finish it, but, even if we don't, I know God will be faithful in getting it done somehow.

The best part of today was what I called voluntary child labor. We needed to collect rocks to fill in all the walls. The walls are pretty big so we needed a lot of rocks. In a place like Haniville, you would expect it to be easy to find rocks and rubble everywhere, and it is, but it's a tedious task to pick them all up and carry them back. There's a group of kids that hang out around the house all day watching us work because they have a break from school and we sometimes take a break from manual labor and play with them. The kids are always willing to help us, which is both a blessing and a problem. It's a blessing because they're so adorable, but it's a problem when they get in the way and prevent us from getting work done right and fast. Today it was definitely a blessing because we had kids lined up behind us carrying rocks from all different places. God gave us a lot of helping hands.

Mandhla's House Part 2

I don't have a picture showing the results of another day of working on the house, but I can tell you it's looking pretty good. We got the wooden boards on for the roof and started wrapping the sides with wire because that's what's going to hold up the mud to make the walls. I didn't actually do any work on the house because I went out with the group of people that did home visits, but those that stayed working on the house did a wonderful job.

We visited about 5 or 6 houses, each with at least one person that's HIV positive. The first woman can barely walk and she told us that she finds joy in the simple thing in life, but hanging up clothes after she has done laundry is difficult because she has to sit while she's doing it. The man we visited after that has TB and HIV. He doesn't really like to tell people about it because he knows it's his own fault that he's sick. Pendi says that he takes his medication and then gets a lot better, but then he goes back to his unhealthy habits and gets really sick again so he's caught in a destructive cycle. When we visited him he looked so thin his arms looked like pure bone and he told us about all the injections he has to take.

After that we visited a married couple that are the grandparents of one of the girls from the youth group. They are the most loving older couple I've seen in Haniville and they were so sweet to us. After that we passed by the house of one of the Gogos that works with us in the garden. She was so happy to see us and gave us all hugs, but then she told us she's really sad that we're only going to be there for one more week.

One of the next houses we visited was the house of a man that is HIV positive and he is in a wheelchair because he had a stroke a couple of years ago that left the right side of his body paralyzed. He could barely talk to us, but he was thankful that we came to visit him. He says he doesn't get any visitors, so it brought him a lot of joy to talk to us and to see us. We sang with him because he enjoys music and he tried singing along and clapped with the one arm he can move.

We also visited Henri, who I met when I drove around with Peni and Neils during clinicals. Henri is in a wheelchair and he doesn't talk anymore. It's not that he can't talk, he just chooses not to respond to anyone. Pendi says she saw him walking yesterday and he's physically better, but he's still unresponsive and didn't even look up at us, he just sat there completely still as we tried talking to him.

The last house we went to was Pendi's house and we met her daughter there. Pendi's house is one of the nicest I've seen in Haniville and her bed is full of stuffed animals.

After Pendi's house we took a taxi back up to Walk in the Light and I sat at lunch thinking about all we had seen. It's hard to digest it all and to make sense of it. The people we visited vary in ages and were both male and female. Every house was different and some were nicer than others, but they were all low-income houses. The families were all different because some lived with spouses, others with children, and others with relatives outside of their nuclear family. All the people we saw are affected with HIV because they are either HIV positive or they have a family member that has it or has died from it. All the patients, besides Henri who was unresponsive, were happy to see us and their families welcomed us openly into their home.

When we talked to the Gogos after the home visits they told us that they were very happy with us because we didn't make any funny faces when we saw their houses and we were always smiling at them. They also enjoyed that we sang songs at every house we went to and prayed for them. We were like the God squad.

After lunch we had the youth group meeting and there was a point when I realized it was our last youth group meeting with them and I wanted to cry. I can't believe our time at Haniville is almost over. We took pictures of them all because we have a guy named John in our group that's a photography major and has professional camera equipment and he offered to give them all professional pictures for free. Everyone came dressed in their best outfit and they were so excited for it. They had so much fun taking pictures with everyone and with a lot of different poses. They're all naturals in front of the camera.

It's the same with the children we see very day. As soon as they see a camera they want us to take a picture of them and they yell out, "shoot me!" I have to remind myself that "shoot me" means "take a picture of me" because sometimes I hear it and I just laugh.

While we were waiting for the youth to arrive there were a ton of kids hanging out at the playground that past APU students have built at Walk in the Light. One of the girls is about 3 years old and she likes to be carried by everyone. She wasn't wearing a shirt or shoes, but she had pink pants on and her hair is was short. She's the most adorable girl I've seen and as soon as she saw me walking towards her she put her arms out for me to pick her up. She laid her head on my shoulder for a while and I walked around with her. She was scared of some spiders hanging from a tree and I would joke with her and get closer to the tree until she started screaming. After getting tired of walking I sat down with her on my lap and, since she's only 3 and doesn't speak English yet, I said the only Zulu words I could remember, "ageko ofana noJesu", "there's no one like Jesus". As soon as she heard that she started singing the song and I sang along with her. Music is such a great way to break the language barrier.

I still don't know what that girl's name is and I don't have a picture, but I know I'll always remember her and I'll probably see her this next week so I can get a picture of her then. I also got some pictures of the youth whose names I do remember because I've been able to have good conversations with them. It's sad that I'll probably never see them again unless I come back to South Africa some day. I don't know if that will happen, but I really hope it does. The more I've gotten to know the people here, the more I've felt loved by them and the more God has shown me how to love others.

It's getting cold out because winter is coming and we were at a water park all day yesterday so I tried my best to not do anything that's going to get me sick. I don't want to miss out on my last week of service sites.

Mandhla's House Part 1

Brandon: Hey Sindy, how's it going?
Sindy: Pretty good, how's it going for you?
Brandon: Oh you know, just building a house, no biggie.
Sindy: Yeah no big deal.

The day was hot from the start and it reached a solid 33 degrees Celsius by noon, which is about mid 90s Fahrenheit. The past two days have been spent removing grass and shoveling dirt onto a pile until the ground was leveled. Today we carefully measured out where each pole would go and then dug holes for the poles. After placing them inside the holes we pushed dirt back in and pounded it down. It all sounds fairly simple and it's hard to imagine that the work you see in the picture above took two days to complete, but it did, and that's why Brandon and I were being sarcastic when we said it's no big deal to build a house.

We shoveled for two days because we basically removed a whole hill. When we first arrived at Mandhla's house, the front yard was 2 feet higher than it is now. We dug all of that out because it's the dirt we're going to use to make mud for the walls. Today we had a guy named Michael helping us measure where the poles should go. It took a whole hour to get the measurements right and to make sure we dug the holes for the poles deep enough. Also, we have to make sure the roof is tilted down towards the right because that's where the rain and wind hits harder so the poles on one side have to be higher than on the other side. The more accurate our measurements are, the sturdier the house will be. Packing down the dirt around the poles is also important because it holds the poles in place. We stood at each hole for about 20 minutes pounding down the dirt with a giant metal rod. The metal rod weighed a solid 20 pounds. Each pole is about 3 feet under the ground and is then surrounded by rocks, soil, rocks, and soil. Each time we added soil, we pounded it down some more. Above the ground, the poles are about 6'5'' feet high.

Brandon and I were being sarcastic in our conversation because, as I am slowly starting to realize, a lot of effort goes into building a house, even if it's just a simple mud house in Haniville. There's hard work involved, patience, perseverance, and strength. Our motivation is Mandhla because we know he's going to enjoy every corner of that house and we're excited to see it finished.

Diamonds and Dust

We went to see a musical at the Barnyard Theater called "Diamonds and Dust" and it was beautiful. The pictures don't do it justice and the soundtrack CD I bought is in no way the same as listening to those voices in person. During one song I actually got the chills from a lady that sang her heart out. Some songs made me want to cry and others filled me with so much joy I didn't know what to do with it.

The title is perfect and the speech the host gave towards the end really summed up the purpose of the musical. It was a musical that ran through the history of South African music and told the story of how this country has found diamonds in the middle of dust and how the people have responded to life through music.

South Africa is often called "The Land of Contrasts". That nickname makes more sense to me every day and I don't know how to respond to it. There's so much suffering, but there's so much joy. The gap between the rich and the poor is so obvious and there are all kinds of animals. You can watch the discovery show on sharks from a well-ventilated, fancy Durban hotel room one hour and then go out to the beach and watch those sharks the next hour.

It's only been two months, but it's felt like so long and, at the same time, it's gone by so fast. What am I going to do when I go home? How am I supposed to go back to a normal life after all I've seen and done here? Ali has been to South Africa before and she was sharing with us how frustrating it was to go back home because no one fully knows what you've been through. Even now that we're here and people ask us, "how's Africa?" none of us really know how to answer because there's really no simply response to that question.

As I reflected on that musical, I realized how difficult it is to explain to people that I see suffering every day. I can sit in a playground in Haniville with dozens of children that are smiling and hugging me, but then I realize that the scars they have aren't just from falling off the swing, they're scars caused by the HIV virus, scars that mean that child might not live past their teens. Monday morning some of the guys from Haniville came to our chapel and it was easy to see them as people that live a similar lifestyle as ours, but today I walked through Haniville and saw the houses those guys live in and I didn't know how to react to it. When they visit us they see the comfortable chalets, the indoor bathrooms, the easily available bottles of water, and the kitchen filled with food. When I visit them I see the houses made of mud, the outdoor bathroom that looks like a shed, the hose they drink from and fetch water from, and the small crops that provide them with meals.

When I explain this to others I know the first reaction is probably pity. There's that old saying when someone doesn't finish their food that goes, "there's starving children in Africa that would love to eat that", but the truth is they wouldn't love to eat that. They think our food is strange and they think Americans eating apples with peanut butter is gross. They like eating putu and bread. They like eating their food and they don't need pity. Sure, they need help, but they have great potential and, if they can just be given the right encouragement and education, they can be empowered to improve their communities every day. The answer to poverty is not charity and just because they live in poverty doesn't mean they don't have a reason to live. There is suffering, but there's so much joy. Every time I see those guys, they're making jokes and smiling. Snesh, Tesh, Jabula, and Sikhle have provided so much entertainment for us while we're in Walk in the Light because they're constantly making us laugh and they come up with dance moves that are ridiculous, but kind of impressing. Sindi and Sipho talk to us about how we don't need boys because girls can be single and still enjoy life and the Gogos have shown us that a community has to care for one another and always help each other out. The children have been so open and show us so much love that it's hard to say goodbye to them at the end of the day.

How can I explain to you what I'm seeing here and what I'm learning? How can I go back home and continue growing with what I've gotten out of this experience? Nelson Mandela says, "once you have tasted the waters of Africa, you will always be thirsty until you come back for more". My trip hasn't just been joyful. It's been horrible to have to deal with sickness, allergies, bugs and pestering monkeys, emotional tragedies through the suffering I see every day, and the overall stress of it all. I have days when I get so frustrated and I feel so helpless and selfish. My trip is too complicated to explain and it'll take me so much time to process everything, but it's been good.

I just ask for patience because when someone asks me, "how was Africa?" I'll probably just say good because I won't have the energy or the time to explain it all, but it's so much more than good.

Confronting Fatigue

I'm exhausted in every possible way at the moment. Between service sites, building relationships, clearing fields, battling sunburns, and writing papers, it's hard to find time to rest. I would say I'm happy the weekend is here, but I have something planned for pretty much every hour this weekend. I've been having so much fun, I'm finding God in new ways every day, and I'm getting to know so many wonderful people, oh yeah, and I might be building muscle from swinging a machete and shoveling dirt every morning in the field, but even positive time-consuming things can be exhausting and sometimes you just need a break.

My strength comes from the Lord and I think right now He wants to give me strength through sleep. I'm done for the day and I don't have breakfast until late tomorrow morning so I'm going to just sleep for at least 12 hours :)