Identity Crisis

One night, while I was in South Africa,a couple of friends invited me to go out for coffee. We sat at Olympia Cafe in a small town called Kalk Bay right outside of Cape Town. That was the night I met Claire and heard all about her life in the UK, the years she spent in Australia, and how she was called to work in Mpopomeni in South Africa. After finishing her story Claire looked around the table and asked us all to share our stories.

I shared my story with the group and spoke about being Salvadorian-American. I shared things that I had said before at introduction meetings and things like that, so I didn't think much of it until I heard Claire comment, "wow, so you've grown up with an identity crisis and have slowly figured stuff out, that's so cool". Those aren't her exact words, but that's pretty much what she said.

I began thinking about this identity crisis and realized that it is in fact what I have struggled with as I've become more independent and as I've tried to figure out who I am and where I am going in life. I am Salvadorian, but I am also American. Right now I am watching the Giants vs. the Dodgers and I am in LA with people who cheer for the Dodgers, but I'm texting my brother back home who is at the Giants game with friends that I often go to games with.

When I'm in San Francisco, I miss being at APU and soaking up all the Southern California air. When I'm in Azusa, I miss my hometown. When I was in South Africa, I missed the US and, when I came back, I realized there is no place like South Africa. I constantly find myself torn between two worlds, sometimes even more than two. I have friends in so many places and, sure, I can call them or write to them on facebook, but I miss hanging out with them and sometimes I just need a hug from a specific friend.

They say home is where the heart is. I wish I had a heart for every home, instead I'm stuck tearing it up and putting a piece in each place. The result is that I'm always homesick, but I don't regret it because every home has blessed my life with happiness.